Parenting in the ICU

One of the main discussions that keeps popping up from the nurses, as each new one comes on to a new shift goes something like this:
Nurse: "Is this your first?"
Us: "No, our fourth."
Nurse: "So why are you here?  Go home to your kids."
Us: "How can we?  Our baby is lying here on a bed in the ICU!"

There are about 8 babies right now in our ICU ward.  Last week, it was very quiet here.  It seemed like we were the only parents who were around most of the time.  This week is a little busier.  I think for about 5 of the kids at least one parent, sometimes two, are here most of the time, or at least much of the day.  There is a mindset that parents don't need to sit with the kids all day, and certainly don't need to be around all that often.  The rumor is that one family is not even in the country right now and they call in to see how the baby is doing.  Other families come in for a few hours and then leave.  Only two or three of us are here sleeping either in the ward or in an apartment nearby.  There is a degree of logic to it... there isn't much for us to do.
Nevertheless, its something we have trouble wrapping our heads around.  How can you not stay with your baby?  No matter what, wouldn't you want to be with them as much as possible?
Compounded with the question of how much parental presence is necessary is the question of how involved parents should be.  Some nurses were pleased with us when we rearranged his blanket or brought his hat, (one even praised us and asked if we wanted to become ICU nurses, saying they are short staffed :-))  Others answer our questions, but give the impression they don't need our help.  I've heard nurses (or nurses in training) tell me that parents should be very hands on and involved, and one mother tell us to never leave him and constantly make sure everything is ok.  We ask questions a lot, and ask about whats going on and what's the plan, but we try not to nudge too much.  Last week when they were monitoring his temperature regularly (which they stopped doing now), whenever he went into low 36, I asked the nurse if we could warm him some more.  Some nurses appreciate it, others I think feel they don't need the reminders.  But all of them here are kind to us.
Part of the reason parents are more or less involved depends on the case of the child.  Unfortunately, one nurse explained to us yesterday that some cases here in ICU are not as promising as our son.  The rumor is that the baby in the room next to us who's parents are not in the country, is a very complicated case.  I saw a conversation going on yesterday between parents and either a nurse or a doctor that looked very intense.  The nurses explained that some cases, the parents can't handle and just need to stay away.  They have a life, a family, and other things that they need to block the pain out and move on.  Obviously its frightening and terrible, and never anything that anyone should have to go through.  There's no question that the trials and tribulations that some of these parents have to live with, not to mention the decisions they have to make will haunt them for years.  I think this is part of the stigma in ICU parenting.  There isn't too much we can do here anyway; the beeps, buzzing, bubbling, doctor nurse traffic and intensity of being here doesn't make for a pleasant environment.  So some nurses recommend and some parents prefer to just stay away, and continue with life until there is something for them to do.
Baruch HaShem a bizillion times for our family.  Thank you to my sister in law for taking the kids the first few days.  Thank you to my parents for flying in to watch our kids.  Thank you to my brother and sister in law for hosting them and helping out.  Thank you to my in laws for the food and for coming for shabbos, and for watching the kids next week.  Thank you to all our family for the support, visits, gifts and food.  Thank you to all our friends for the help and support and offers for assistance.  We are able to be with our son and to talk to him, care for him and watch over him because everyone else is pitching in.  We couldn't do it without all of you, and we appreciate it so much.  From Norman's heart, and from ours... to yours.  Thank you.